Category: Just for Men

This is the challenging reality that men must struggle with. You may not have intended for her to get pregnant, but now she is, and you do not know how to respond.

Think back to the first moment she told you. Maybe she sent you a short text message telling you the results of the pregnancy test. Maybe she met with you at a nearby park. As you heard or read the words, “I’m pregnant,” what feelings erupted from you?

Confusion? Disbelief? Frustration? Anxiety? Hope?

Your partner watched and waited for your response. Your heart beat rapidly as you spoke the words you’ve been trained to say:

“Well, whatever you want to do… I’ll support you.”

You relaxed your shoulders and let out the breath you did not even realize you were holding. Inwardly you thought, “Yeah, this is her decision to make. It’s her body. It’s her choice.” You watched as all the stress you were feeling and holding in poured out on your partner. It was as if you told her that it’s her job to drive the racecar going 100mph.

The problem with the “I’ll just support you” response is that you indirectly communicate that you “don’t care” about the upcoming decisions and therefore, do not care about this new child or the mother. In fact, not taking a stance, stating how you feel, or voicing your thoughts causes your partner to feel alone. She now must make a big decision on her own while her partner watches from the sidelines.

So, take a moment to ask yourself, “How do I feel about this pregnancy?”

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At Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid), we have men on standby ready to talk you through all the options available to you and your partner.
We want to acknowledge the large role you have to play in her decision.

In fact, you can step up and make the appointment right now for BOTH of you. She can get free testing so she knows how far along she is (this will determine the next decisions you both make). And you can talk to one of the men here to discuss your role in all of this.

Neither of you is doing this alone. We’re here to help.

The writer of this article is a man who spends time each week counseling other men at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid). Yes . . . a man. We are not here solely to provide for the needs of the woman during an unplanned pregnancy. Very often, men will accompany their significant other as the two of them walk through this trying time. And we want to make sure that we have someone here who understands, can relate, and can offer the men who walk through our doors help as well.

This man’s words to other men on what a woman needs during an unplanned pregnancy are both valuable and inspiring. Men . . . if you find yourself in this unexpected situation, you need to hear what he has to say!

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Some people love surprises. They like plot twists in movies, and not knowing what’s for dinner. I am not that kind of person. I have an overwhelming desire, that I regularly have to fight against, to have my days and weeks planned out. Yet, one of my favorite memories is from a surprise party my wife threw for me. It was in that surprise that I saw how much my wife cared for me to ensure that this gift wasn’t spoiled by my need to be in control.           

The majority of men I meet with on a weekly basis appear to be like me – having a plan, and wanting that plan to be reality. Rarely do they plan for a baby while still attending school, before they’re married, or sometimes even with this woman. It’s in these moments that they begin to search for reasons, options, and answers. Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) wants to be where they seek their options and answers.

The questions I’m asked by men who are abortion minded, regardless of their reasoning, remain the same. They are primarily concerned about the potential physical side effects of abortion for the mother. It is in these moments that I can share some of the potential physical and emotional side effects of an abortion for the mother, while using language that reminds them that the life they are terminating shouldn’t be forgotten.

The questions men ask reveal the true concerns of their heart. They are concerned about the lives they feel responsible to protect and provide for. It is in these concerns that I turn my attention. These men need reminded that regardless of their plan, they now have another life they are responsible for. The care they show in protecting mom from physical and emotional harm should be extended to baby as well.

Often men think of providing and protecting in means of financial and physical.

Yet, the greatest needs of mom are emotional and spiritual. One father I met with in March really responded to this concept. He knew what his girlfriend’s greatest need was, but he was unwilling to accept his responsibility to meet it. We need reminded to focus our energy on protecting mom’s heart, and providing for her deepest needs – which are never financial or physical. It’s our hope at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) that men see that the role they have been given by society doesn’t make any sense at all.

Men are told they have no role in this decision.

They are told they simply stand back, smile and nod. This role not only doesn’t support mom, but actually puts more pressure on her. So, I encourage men to step into their natural instinct to provide and protect, but change their focus to be on the mom’s emotions. We want them to see that there is nothing more manly than to be emotionally connected to your child and that child’s mother during an unplanned pregnancy.

It is here that we feel Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) stands apart as uniquely gifted to help families make an educated decision about an unplanned pregnancy. We are more than pro-life; we are pro-humanity. We see the value in the life of the child, mother, and father.

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Men, if you find yourself in this situation, know that you don’t have to do this alone. We are a comfortable place for men as well as women. You can meet one-on-one with our male client advocate, talk over your frustrations, aspirations and questions with him, and truly have someone who understands and can offer some real help.

So go ahead. Take control of your situation and get the help you are looking for!

Fatherhood. The word alone has caused men through the ages to experience feelings they weren’t prepared for. Feelings of fear, uncertainty, and un-preparedness are often wrapped up in this one word. But when author Kyle became a new father, he shared his thoughts on what fatherhood truly looked like for his children. Does it require courage? Absolutely. But maybe no the type of courage that we first think of.

Fatherhood encompasses growing, stretching and learning. Having the courage to do all of those things are what leads to being the right kind of father to any child!

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Standing in the doorway, my son Abe and I watch my wife walk to her car to enjoy a much-deserved afternoon out with a friend. Abe is screaming; his face has turned red and his tears drop on my shirt while my mind is preoccupied by a combination of stress at work and a vague feeling I am failing as a dad. The latter seems to be confirmed by Abe’s distress. As Abe cries harder, my heart starts to beat faster until I take a deep breath and say to him, “I see that you are sad because momma left to spend time with her friend,” and then continue holding him. Fortunately for me, Abe’s language skills are not developed enough for him to be sarcastic, but I am sure if I said the same thing to anyone else, they would respond with something to the effect of “Thanks, Captain Obvious!” So why share this very unremarkable story? Before I answer that question, I want to share some thoughts on fatherhood that I have learned over the past year.

Being a dad is better than I could have imagined. It is also far more difficult. Seeing my son laugh, grow, and learn brings tremendous joy and depth to my life. Watching him in pain brings me pain. The responsibility of parenting him adds purpose to my life, while simultaneously bringing fear and doubt. He is almost one year old and I have asked myself consistently throughout this year, “How do I teach and model courage to my child?” Coincidentally, or not, I have personally faced more fear in the last year than any other time in my life. My simple observation is this: the greater the connection (to those around me, or in this case, to my son) the more it leads to courage.

While I certainly hope my son acts courageously during an emergency, most opportunities for courage are within the routine activities of everyday life. Let’s go back to the story above. After I slowed down and took a deep breath, my goal was to connect with my son. Through my simple words I related to him that I recognize he was hurting and through my presence I assured him I will be with him in his emotional hurt. The stress and guilt I was feeling in that moment was real as well, and I am sure Abe could sense it, so I decided to reassure him, “Buddy, I am sad too.” The moment was not about having a pity party focusing on my own feelings, but connecting with each other, even in our shared sadness. These interactions help both our children and ourselves recognize what IS (i.e. sadness, fear, and anger) and move forward.

And that seems to be pretty close to the definition of courage.

In all honestly, far too many times when I am with my family I disconnect; something will happen that causes a negative emotion in me (anger, sadness, shame – the list goes on). More often than not, I begin to disconnect: take a nap, watch sports, play on my phone, or simply fall into silence. None of these activities are necessarily bad of course; however, they become damaging when I use them to distance myself from my family and my responsibilities. Being a dad takes a lot of resilience to plans changing, your own failures, your child’s disobedience, shame over past or present happenings. When I speak of resilience, I do not mean pretending to be alright when you are not. I mean holding space for your emotions while at the same time engaging with your child. All of this practice of connection leads to courage and then courage to more connection. It is a beautiful circle.

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Not sure you have what it takes to be a great father? The good news is that you aren’t alone. We all struggle with those feelings. And the even better news is that you don’t have to figure this out on your own.

Here at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid), we offer help for men, too! We have men – fathers – who are on staff, serve as volunteers, and step up as mentors. Our fathers can walk beside you every step of the way – modeling courage for you and helping you model courage for your children!

Want to learn more? Check out some of these articles we have just for you!

Choosing to Parent – When You Need a Little Help
Unplanned Pregnancy – Help For the Guy!
My Girlfriend is Pregnant. What’s a Guy to Do?
Men Helping Other Men {Our Bridges Program}

The following was shared with us by one of our dad clients. We thought it was timely, as we look ahead to Father’s Day , to hear from a dad on what it is like to find help and support here at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid). His words are extremely encouraging to any man out there who is afraid of becoming a dad for the first time (or maybe even the second or third time!).

If you have questions about becoming a dad – or just need to talk to another man – we have men here who are available to talk to you. Just schedule an appointment and we can arrange a time for you to get encouragement and answers from any of them.

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When I married my wife, I never imagined the trials we would face as parents. I imagined all the good times we would have someday; walking at the park, holding hands, chasing our kids as they chased our dog, the sun setting behind us and pigeons flying all around.

When my wife and I found out we were going to be parents, we were so happy. My wife (at about 6 months into her pregnancy) and I had a very hard time in our marriage. We found out about Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) and their Journeys program they offered. After a few times of sending my wife on her own, I finally decided to go with her. To my surprise, the staff welcomed me, didn’t judge me, never pressured or questioned me and simply applauded me for being there. I felt welcomed and important. Going became something I looked forward to. They showed us videos about how to handle certain situations with newborns and the importance of family and being parents. 

After our first child was born, we moved onto the Bridges Parenting Support Group. Bridges was so good for us as a new family. At the time, I was the only father there attending classes. Even though I was the only guy, I made a commitment to go and be a support system for my wife and child. While attending Bridges, I was able to grow closer to my wife and we benefited as a couple because we were learning how to manage family time and parent time and even “us” time. Our marriage grew stronger and so did our faith. 

When the trials unraveled, we were strong enough to face them together. We had a lot of support from the staff who always prayed with and for us. Even when I had a hard time providing basic needs for my family, Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) was able to help us and provide diapers for my daughter. 

After some time, Pathways Dad’s Support Classes was formed. Our group of men, as small as it was, helped me feel proud of myself as a dad. I felt like I had people to talk to and relate to. Our Pathways leader, Chuck, was a good role model for me and always made me feel like I was doing a great job at being a dad and husband. He always encouraged me to keep going, even when sometimes all I wanted was to run. He motivated me to run the race instead of running away. 

Pathways showed me the importance of the fathers role in a family and I’ll always be grateful for that. 

Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) has been a blessing to me as a father and as a husband. I don’t think I would be as strong as I am today for me and my family if I wouldn’t have met all these amazing people along the way. 

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Getting plugged in to a group of like-minded individuals can make a whole world of difference to someone who needs a little help now and then. And let’s face it, we can all use the support of others to help us be better!

Journeys, Bridges & Pathways provides that opportunity. Here at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid), we care not just about the women but also about the men that come through our doors.

Men, you too have a voice that deserves to be heard and acknowledged. You deserve help and support as you work to help and support your family. Here, you can find the very support that will help you be successful!

Check out our programs (in the links above), and then plan to join us soon!