Category: Just for Men

The following was shared with us by one of our male volunteers. We thought it was timely, as we look ahead to Father’s Day soon, to hear from a dad on what it is like to be a dad. His words are extremely encouraging to any man out there who is afraid of becoming a dad for the first time (or maybe even the second or third time!).

Seth is also a pastor at a local church. If you have questions about becoming a dad – or just need to talk to another man – Seth is available to talk to you. Just schedule an appointment and we can arrange a time for you to get encouragement and answers from him.

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I’m Going to Be a Dad!
I can remember it like it was yesterday, the feeling I had when my wife told me she was pregnant. I was excited, terrified, confused, terrified, anxious, terrified…you get the point. I was just 23 years old, hadn’t been to college, and was now about to be a father. Did I mention I was terrified?

I quickly learned that my son was coming, whether I was ready or not. I couldn’t halt his growth with my fear or stop his development with my procrastination. I read books about development stages and parenting strategies – yet still felt like I wasn’t ready. It wasn’t until I realized that I couldn’t be a perfect father, that I became comfortable with the idea of being a father. I didn’t have to know everything or read every book to be a father – I just had to love my wife and my son. I realized that love compels us to action. If I simply focused on my love for my wife and my son, then that love would help me make decisions that demonstrated my love to them.

I didn’t have to DO anything except BE a father.

There is No Such Thing as the Perfect Dad
I stopped trying to be him long ago. But, I do pursue being the best father I can be. Where I find my best inspiration is in the Bible. When I see how God interacts with His children I see a Perfect Father. I see how love, discipline, devotion, mercy, sympathy, compassion, strength and sacrifice come together in a perfect example for me to follow. While I can’t be a perfect father, I can follow my Perfect Father in hopes of being changed day to day by Him. His love for me compels my love for my family.

Through faith in Jesus we have been adopted, chosen by God, to be His children. It is only through the love that we have experienced in Christ that we are able to love others. Without Jesus, I can’t love my wife and children as I should. As I grow in my relationship with Jesus the more I realize love is manly. Love is the engine that powers a life of sacrifice, devotion and strength that is required to be a dad.

You can’t be a perfect dad, but you can experience the love of a Perfect Father through Jesus Christ. Do you know Him?

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It’s ok. You can’t be a perfect Dad. But you can BE a Dad, full of love and demonstrating that love on a daily basis.

Want to talk to someone? We can help! 

A key distinction between men and boys is the ability to make decisions based on the knowledge of both immediate and future consequences. For example, give a boy a bag of candy and he will eat until he is sick, which is to be expected. The boy has one thing on his mind: the pleasure of eating candy. If you give a man a bag of candy, he considers the possibility of getting sick and the long-term effects of eating too much candy. Then he is able to enjoy the candy without getting sick. Let us call this choice, “more vs. now.” The man can focus on what he wants more (not getting sick) over what he wants now (lots of candy). The boy can only decide based on what he wants now.

Let’s apply this “more vs. now” principle to sex.

The “now” of sex:
The “now” of sex is one-dimensional; it is simply a “transaction of chemicals and pleasure.” It is based on personal gain for the individual and therefore is unable to create intimacy in a relationship.  Most men presented with the opportunity to either enjoy the pleasure of sex or not in a given moment, will choose sex. However, there are many consequences (positive and negative) to consider before having sex than simply, “it feels good.”

Consequences to consider
When a man focuses on the “now” of sex he does not consider the life-changing possibility of pregnancy. No matter how much protection or birth control one can use, there is always a chance of pregnancy when having sex. Similarly, no amount of protection can 100% protect you from STIs (sexually transmitted infections). These are two consequences that must be considered in regards to sex.

The “more” of sex:
There is another side to this equation – the “more” of sex. This “more” is found in a life-long committed relationship, namely, marriage. Sex within this context is connected to the intimate relationship. The goal is to give yourself to the other person wholly and that is where sex finds more meaning than simply a “transaction of chemicals and pleasure.” You affirm your spouse and are in turn affirmed, all the while knowing you share the now and your future.

A “real” man, one who cares deeply for his partner and wants what is best for her, is one who is willing to set aside the “now” of sex and wisely choose the “more” of sex. Is it a difficult decision? Absolutely. But as with most decisions, when one makes the right choice, even if it’s the tough one, they are rewarded with “more” to life.

Where do you wish to see yourself? As the man in the first paragraph – the one who is able to apply some self-control and enjoy the bag of candy, but not all at once? Or do you see yourself in the boy – who indulges immediately and is gratified for only a short time, but has to suffer the consequences of eating the whole bag at once?

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Let’s face it. Making these kinds of decisions are difficult. You might know what is right, but actually making that right choice can feel almost impossible. Sometimes, you just need someone to talk it through. Another man who understands what you are facing, and can offer support and insight, completely free of judgment.

If that’s you, you should know that Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) doesn’t exist solely for women. We have plenty of men who walk in our doors each year to receive support and encouragement from the men we have on our staff. Don’t hesitate to be one of those men – the kind who make the wise choices and choose the “more” instead of the “now.”