Category: Stories

To Alina’s Birth Mom,

How do I start a letter to a person I have never met, but who is one of the heroes of my life? You helped provide the source of greatest joy in my life, my beautiful daughter. She just turned ten, and has been home for nearly nine years.

To tell you how our side of the story all started, my wife and I tried and were unable to conceive a child on our own. We had some friends who had adopted, and after talking with them on a few occasions, it just seemed like the right next step for us. I work in the travel industry, so international adoption appealed to us. After considering our options, we set our sights on Russia.

There are so many ups and downs in our journey that some of the memories blur together, but I distinctly remember getting “the call.” It came much sooner than we expected, so it caught us by surprise. All we knew was that she was just shy of a year old, and that she was in a little town called Alatyr, and we had to be there in a week. We spent the next few days getting prepared to make the trip of a lifetime to meet our daughter.

I can remember seeing her for the first time because I was captivated. This little Russian beauty was our baby girl, the world just didn’t know it yet…. but God did, and so did we. It took about 4 months, and 3 trips to Russia to make it official and get custody so that we could bring her to the United States.

Every day, I get to watch her grow up to be a young woman. I look at this precocious girl and marvel at her big smile and her infectious laugh and thank God for every single moment. I can see parts of her personality that are molded by her mother and me, but then there are characteristics (physical and otherwise) that are uniquely hers. I often wonder if these are shaped in part by you. People sometimes say that she looks like me, and I just laugh because I know that more than likely she looks like you. From her freckled cheeks, to her light green eyes, to her blonde hair with a faint strawberry hue.

What else can I say about her? She’s smart as can be, even though she doesn’t always fully apply herself at her school work. She loves art, and we have some of her masterpieces framed and hanging in our house. She is quiet and shy in large groups, but once she gets to know you, her true nature comes out and she is talkative. Very talkative! She likes to make up her own little tunes and hums to herself, but if she realizes you are listening, she stops. She is not overly affectionate, but when she’s tired or not feeling well, she becomes more snuggley. She likes for me to put her to bed, and we play with glow sticks, talk about our day, or tell stories. She especially likes it when I fall asleep with her. I travel for work occasionally and she sleeps with her Mom when I am gone, and typically sleeps with us both on the first night I get back. I’m not sure how much longer some of these will last, so I try to relish those opportunities before they disappear.

I think about you often, but I make a special point to think of and pray for you on Mother’s Day. I don’t want it to be a day of loss for you, but one of peace, hope and love. I want you to be at peace about your decision to carry your daughter to term and make that difficult choice to offer her an opportunity with another family. Your decision was one of hope that the family she was meant to be with could provide something for her that you weren’t sure you could provide at that time. Given the way international adoption placement works, I don’t think you are allowed to know her circumstances, so I imagine that you live with some doubt about her, and I know that must be difficult. My prayer is that you are reassured that she was placed in a family that loves her very much.

I want you to know that we continue to work hard to raise her to the best of our ability. I hope that one day, if she is privileged to meet you, that you would be proud of her, and that you would be reassured that the tough choice you made, all the anguish, fear, and doubt that you endured, was worth it to give her life. She is one of the two most important people in my life. Outside of my faith, being her father is the single most influential factor of shaping the person I have become. I want to be the best version of myself so that she can have the kind of father she deserves.

All of this is why it is so difficult for me to put into words exactly how I feel about the gift you gave us. It sounds so insufficient to just say thank you, because I cannot thank you enough. I will end this letter to you the only way I know how, by passing on a blessing to you:

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” – Numbers 6:24-26

Signed,

Alina’s Dad (Phillip)

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To read more Adoption Stories, click here.

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Maybe you know that you aren’t in a place to care for a baby right now. But you also know that you simply can’t terminate this life growing inside of you.

It’s a tough choice to make. And only the strongest – and those who have the support they need – choose to make this decision.

And that’s why we commit to walking beside you, every step of the way. We don’t provide adoption services, but we work with a number of wonderful agencies that do. We can give you the information, aid and support that you need to make this difficult decision.

You could be the blessing to someone that they are needing!
Take the first step and just talk to us.
No pressure . . . No Agenda.
Just honesty and friendship.

 

It was a cold, rainy afternoon at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) and I was the in-office nurse that afternoon.  I was just thinking how glad I was to be inside where it was warm when in walked a beautiful young woman, looking for help.  I was moved by her face, which was every bit as gloomy as the weather.  I rose to meet her and touched her cold, damp hand.  The look in her eyes was striking, like a cornered animal with nowhere to go and no one to turn to.  As I softly introduced myself, I briefly reviewed the clients who had come before her . . . so many different looks on the various faces . . . frustrated, embarrassed, angry, even on occasion, happy.  However, that was not the case with this beautiful girl.  Mentally planning how I can best help her, I led her back to the counseling room.

The beginning of a story
Her name was Melissa*.  “Tell me what brings you here today.  I see you marked down you wanted a pregnancy test.”  I paused, and then said, “Tell me about Melissa.”  She slowly began to talk, at first haltingly, unsure of how she was being perceived. But then, guided by encouragement and acceptance, more and more of her story came pouring out of her mouth.

No help, no options
It is a familiar story that is told over and over, but is never old to the clients or counselors here. Each story represents all of the emotions of the individual telling it, the specific details unique to them.  Melissa’s story had many elements – pregnant, working two jobs to support a 2 year old child from a previous relationship, unemployed boyfriend wanting her to abort, and no family to provide support.  Her parents and brother were killed in a car accident a year ago.  “I don’t believe in abortion but I can’t have this baby!” Melissa tearfully confesses.  We determined her estimated delivery date.   She was 6 weeks pregnant.  I reassured her that it was early in the pregnancy and she could slow down, not panic, and did not have to make any snap decisions. She had time to think.

After a pause, I told her that whatever she decides we will be there for her.
Her eyes locked on mine not trusting what I had just said.

The relief of finding help
“The next step is a sonogram,” I said, returning to my clinical demeanor.  I explained that it is important to know, before beginning the abortion process, if the pregnancy is viable.  Viability, determined by a sonogram (ultrasound) means the heartbeat of the baby is detected and baby is located in the uterus (not in the Fallopian tube).  It is estimated that between 20% – 25% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage.  Her eyes darted around the room and I wondered what she was thinking.

She expressed that she had no money for a sonogram. 
I explained that our services are free of charge. 
Melissa showed obvious relief and her beautiful face broke into the most
wonderful smile for the first time since she walked in.
It was better even than the most sunny day!

Real solutions to real problems
All of the clients who come to the doors of Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) are unique with unique stories. We feel privileged when we can join our clients in presenting real solutions to their very real problems; offering advice and options; encouragement and a friend; resources and free services.  We welcome them in, inviting them to tell us their story.

Quite often, they welcome us into their lives.

*Melissa is not our client’s real name. All client experiences with Two Lines Pregnancy Clinic (formerly Advice & Aid Pregnancy Center) are kept with the highest confidence. The stories that are shared come from the real-life experiences that our clients, staff and volunteers had during their unplanned pregnancy.

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To read other stories from women who have been where you are:
Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) Stories

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If you are going through a similar experience to Melissa, you might have seen yourself a bit in her story. Melissa found a place to belong. A place that offered her real help, options, answers and support – she simply had to show up.

Here, she found the things she needed most.

Take your first step today towards taking back control of your situation. Make an appointment with us. No pressure, no agenda – simply information, an understanding friend, and hope!

*Elizabeth is willingly giving us permission to share her story so that others can realize there is hope in the midst of a difficult situation. All client experiences with Two Lines Pregnancy Clinic (formerly Advice & Aid Pregnancy Center) are kept with the highest confidence. The stories that are shared come from the real-life experiences that our clients, staff and volunteers had during their unplanned pregnancy.

*Her name has been changed but her story is true.

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My name is Elizabeth, and this is my story.

My parents never lied to me about how I came to be.

I knew that I wasn’t planned, but it never mattered.

I didn’t realize some people considered an unplanned pregnancy a problem until my adolescence, because my parents did such a wonderful job of loving me.

Unplanned didn’t mean unwanted in our house.

I got to watch my parents as they built their lives, both together and as individuals. I watched as my dad sacrificed and worked hard to build his career while providing for our family. I was there when my mom walked across the stage to receive her diploma after years of hard work and searching for her calling. Seeing them work so hard taught me lessons I didn’t appreciate until adulthood.

If I had been born under “perfect” conditions,
I don’t think I would appreciate
hard work, family, and love the way I do now.

Looking back now, I realize life must have been hard for them, especially for the first few years of my life. My parents made sure my basic needs were met, and then they smothered me with their time, affection, and love. Yes, I was sometimes bummed that I didn’t have “name brand” cereal like my friends, but my parents did everything for me. My dad seemed to coach all my sports teams, and my mom was my troop leader and biggest fan. I couldn’t have asked for a better childhood because my parents poured their lives into my life. I didn’t have the latest and greatest, but none of that is what I remember.

What I do remember is how much they loved me,
and while I know they struggled,
parenthood transformed them into amazing people I am proud to claim as an adult.

I was able to witness as they “grew up,” and that has been a privilege.

Now, I look at my son and I don’t know a baby that is more loved. He comes from a long legacy of life and love. My grandma stepped up and helped my mom when she was most vulnerable. She loved my mom and dad when other people ridiculed and doubted them. Her love strengthened them to make a hard but wonderful choice: to have me. They passed that on to me, and their love bolstered me and made me strong. Without their love, I don’t know if I ever could have taken on parenthood myself. But now, I have the wonderful gift of getting to see my parents dote on my son.

Their hard decision has given way to a legacy of life and love,
and I don’t think any of us would trade that for anything.

Life, what a beautiful choice!

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An unplanned pregnancy doesn’t mean that there is only one choice. It may be a difficult choice . . . but Elizabeth is here today, carrying on a beautiful legacy of generations of love, because of her parent’s willingness to make the difficult choice. Their joy over watching Elizabeth grow up, and now witnessing Elizabeth’s growing family, has far overshadowed the fact that she was simply unexpected.

If you find yourself in the same place that Elizabeth’s parents did, faced with a completely unexpected pregnancy and not knowing where to turn, know that you don’t have to face this alone.

Take your first step today towards taking back control of your situation. Make an appointment with us. No pressure, no agenda – simply information, an understanding friend, and hope!

 

My name is Casey, and this is my story.

I grew up in a loving home with my mom, my stepdad and two older brothers.  I always felt like I got lost in the shuffle of the divorce and remarriage but I didn’t blame my parents for their divorce since they had many difficult things happen during the years they were married.

My biological father’s job demanded a lot of his time. I wanted and needed more of a relationship from my Dad, but he was unable to give me more. My mom and stepdad didn’t realize the negative effect that not having a relationship with my father had on me.

After graduating high school, I met my first boyfriend in college. He was four years older than me and one of the first to show me attention. We quickly became very serious.

I was looking for acceptance and the need to feel loved.  However, I found the wrong kind of love and became pregnant a year later.  I got caught up in the lie that says, “It’s ok to have sex before marriage if he really loves you. Just don’t get pregnant!”

I had a sense somehow that abortion was not the right answer for me, but didn’t fully understand why. So I made the “choice” to have an abortion, not comprehending the lifelong effects it would have on me. I simply told myself it wasn’t the right time for me to have a baby.  I told myself that it must be ok and safe if it’s legal.

The day of the abortion, I went by myself, feeling empty and alone. I will never forget after it was all over not understanding why my decision felt so wrong. After all, if what I had done was considered “nothing,” then I shouldn’t be feeling that way.

Although my mind didn’t know how to react to the actions that had taken place, my body knew right away something was wrong. The feelings were immediate and intense. I was sent out the door with a high temperature that lasted for days. I was too ashamed to call and ask why I was still feeling sick, even several days later.

This was a choice my boyfriend and I both made that day . . . we were trying desperately to make it seem just a simple decision. It was a quick way to forget and escape our problem. However, the fast relief came for only a moment before reality hit. In our ignorance, we made a decision that would impact us forever before knowing all of the facts or having the whole truth.

After going through this with my boyfriend, I felt I had to make our relationship work in order to make what we had done “OK.” I thought my boyfriend would love me more and would marry me soon.  We stayed together longer than we should have, because I thought if we got married it would justify the decision we had made. Eventually, we broke up.

After the abortion, I started shoving the hurt and pain down deep inside. A big wall went up in me that day that would later cause me to not trust others or allow them to get close to me. I went on with my life, pushing my emotions down and out of my mind.

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Years later, I met the true love of my life. We started dating and got married three years later. Through marriage, I became a full time Step-Mother of three sweet, beautiful daughters.

When the time came for us to consider adding our own children to our family, I was unable to get pregnant. We battled with infertility, trying for years and working with all kinds of specialists.  Nothing worked.

Soon, all I could think about was how I HAD to get pregnant.  The desire took over my life. Anger, guilt and regret welled up. That is when the shame came rushing in.

Every month of disappointment felt like I was being punished. What was to be a quick and simple procedure of my past, to be forgotten forever, was now impacting the rest of my life.

I became very angry and abusive with myself. I began hitting myself, leaving bruises and making holes in the walls.  The physical pain in my body was overwhelming as I abused myself on the outside to relieve the pain on the inside.

I became very numb . . . I felt worthless . . .  I felt unworthy to have a child. Tears would not come anymore; I had nothing left to give.  I had learned the hard way the dark secret of abortion – the life-long impact that one decision would have on me. I couldn’t handle life anymore.  I couldn’t forgive myself. I felt as if I wore a big “A” on my forehead that everyone else could see. It was mine to bear for life.

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It was years before I was able to realize I could not handle this on my own anymore.  I didn’t know what to do with my scarred past that I had shoved down so far. The secrets that we can’t talk about often eat away at us like cancer. But those secrets will only stay down for so long, until they show their ugly heads, again and again.

Hope and change came for me in the form of an unexpected spiritual encounter and the support of other women who had also lost children through abortion. By learning about forgiveness, and finding others who had also struggled with the bondage and hurt of an abortion, I began to look at people – including myself – in a new light. I was able to have compassion on others, and slowly began to heal.

I have since learned about Post -Abortion Syndrome and the after-effects of abortion that were related to so many of my symptoms. I have been on a journey of healing ever since. It has been a long and gut-wrenching fight. No one wants to dig up past choices and shame that had been buried deep in their soul. The post-abortion study I have been a part of helps women through the process of healing, offering forgiveness of our self and others.

My shame and guilt are a thing of the past!

Now I help others who have experienced abortion or other types of pregnancy loss through my work at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid). I am thankful for places like this where I can share my story with others and help them process their own experience in a healthy and helpful way.

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Additional stories from real women who have experienced abortion:
When Abortion Leaves You Broken – Ann’s Story
My Unplanned Pregnancy – Nicole’s Story

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If you have had an abortion – or are thinking about it – there may be emotions, pain and struggle that are hard to deal with on your own. That’s why we are here!

Every day, we talk to women in that very position. And they are finally given options, help . . . and the hope they need.

You can talk to us at any time. We are waiting for you.

24-Hour Helpline: 913-962-0200
Online Chat Box: Simply click the blue box at the bottom, left

*Molly is  willingly giving us permission to share her story so that others can realize there is hope in the midst of a difficult situation. All client experiences with Two Lines Pregnancy Clinic (formerly Advice & Aid Pregnancy Center) are kept with the highest confidence. The stories that are shared come from the real-life experiences that our clients, staff and volunteers had during their unplanned pregnancy.

*Her name has been changed but her story is true.

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I’ll never forget the day that I heard these words, “Molly, my dear, you’re pregnant.”

The Student Health Center Nurse kept talking, and I just couldn’t process anything else. “Do you know what you’ll do?” she asked. I kept shaking my head no. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I did not want to be pregnant. I was only 20 years old. I had plans for my life. . . getting married, finishing college, having a career. This was not in my plans. I was angry and resentful, and all I could think about was how could I get myself out of this situation. I had always considered myself to be pro-life before this moment, but now it was happening to me. Things were completely different now… I felt like I had no other choice but to have an abortion.

My boyfriend and I had been together for a few years, but yet at the moment I told him I was pregnant, I had never felt more hurt and betrayed in our relationship. How could he do this to me? My life was ruined. I asked him what we should do, and he said the choice was up to me and that he would support me in whatever I decided. I told him I wanted an abortion. I felt so alone. Even though he supported me, the weight of the decision was too much to bear by myself. I felt angry and ashamed.

I had no one to talk to about what I was going through.

I opened up and told my friend, who then suggested a local pregnancy resource center in town that she had been to previously when she had a pregnancy scare. In my heart I knew it was a better choice than calling clinics for abortion prices, but I couldn’t go to the center she suggested.

I was just too ashamed.

I couldn’t go through with it. In the meantime I was still considering abortion and trying to justify it in my mind. I made myself search online about abortion and what it involves. It was very hard emotionally, as I thought I would be better off distancing myself from the reality. I had to make it real, otherwise I knew that I wouldn’t be able to make an educated decision. It took me a long time to process everything before I could make a decision.

How could I face my parents? I felt like they would never forgive me, or that they wouldn’t love me anymore. What would people at my church think? The potential shame was too much to bear. What would my friends think? Would I be a failure for dropping out of college? Would my relationship with my boyfriend last through having a baby together?

All of those questions were very hard to process and to live out, as I ultimately chose to carry my pregnancy. I wish that I would have listened to my friend and gone to a pregnancy resource center like Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid). In my darkest hours, I needed someone to talk to, that would be supportive and listen to me without judgment. It was too much for me to handle going through it alone. I shouldn’t have ignored that feeling in my heart that I would have been cared for and listened to there.

My pride and shame got in my way.

Since those dark days, I have connected with Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid).

It has proven over and over to be a safe, caring place where I can share with women who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and offer them hope – the same hope that I was too afraid to receive when I was in the same situation.

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For additional unplanned pregnancy stories check out:
Sarah’s Story
Rebecca’s Story

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If you have had an abortion – or are thinking about it – there may be emotions, pain and struggle that are hard to deal with on your own. That’s why we are here!

Every day, we talk to women in that very position. And they are finally given options, help . . . and the hope they need.

You can talk to us at any time. We are waiting for you.

It doesn’t matter what country you are from, how you were raised, or what you believe, we all seem to want one thing . . . purpose. We all want to know there’s a reason for our existence and hope that at least we make some kind of contribution in this world.

“You rock and we love you! It’s very cool to watch people walk out their purpose for their lives. I know that not everyone finds theirs, but in this season you definitely have!”

That’s what one of the women we worked with said about us recently. She continued to share, “You and the ladies at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) have taken a load off our back and helped us rest in your organization at a very stressful and emotional time. What an unbelievable group you are! My boyfriend and I are so blessed to have his family support during this time of financial crisis, but I know there are so many women out there with no one to turn to.”

“I could see how, without places like Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid), women would make a different choice about their pregnancy because they would just simply feel too overwhelmed and not have the resources to move forward. Anyways, thanks again for everything.”

Because Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) has a purpose, and others are learning about it, women are accepting their unplanned pregnancy and getting the education and support they need despite their circumstances. Women are learning that an unplanned pregnancy doesn’t have to deter them from other goals; it just gives them an additional title and an opportunity to impact a very important life – the life of their child. Their life now may be different than they planned. But their value – their lasting contribution to this world – is far greater than ever before! They have a true purpose for their lives!

So, if you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and think you don’t know how you are going to survive it, call Two Lines Pregnancy Clinic (formerly Advice & Aid Pregnancy Center). We are here to walk through this season of your life and help you be the woman you are meant to be!