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Category: Just for Women

Your Options When It’s Just “Not the Right Time”

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“I can’t have this baby…because it’s not the right time!”

As I meet with women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy, I hear this often.  Some tell me they might want kids in the future, but now is not the right time. 

I start by encouraging her to slow down and think about her options.  She has time to weigh all the information needed to make a decision that will impact her for the rest of her life. 

She may think she can abort this time and try again when the timing is better, but the certainty of future pregnancies is not guaranteed.  Her pregnancy might not have been planned, but maybe her future just looks a little different than she thought.

Many women want to finish their education and that is something I highly encourage.  Education is important and it is certainly possible to finish it with a child.  Think of the strong example that child will have in a mother who persevered to finish her education.  We help women work on scholarships, childcare, and meeting student visa requirements when they are dedicated to finishing their education.  For young women in high school, adoption can be an option that gives them more flexibility to finish their education and also gives their baby life.  These are different decisions, but we work with some really strong women who just need support to accomplish their goals. 

Your life isn’t over – it’s just starting.  It will be much richer and more beautiful than you can imagine, for what seems hard today will give you strength and wisdom for tomorrow.

At Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) our goal is to empower women to make educated choices about their health and well-being.  We provide medical and educational services before, during and after pregnancies for women and their partners. We can provide answers to all the questions they should be asking before having an abortion…all at no cost! We also offer programs for women who have experienced an abortion in the past and are seeking help and healing.

Your first step, no matter where you are in the process, is as easy as clicking a button to schedule an appointment to come in and just talk with one of our client advocates. No pressure, no judgment. Just the answers that you are looking for.

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Facing an Unplanned Pregnancy During the Holidays

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Otherwise known as “Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and…an Unplanned Pregnancy?”

An unplanned pregnancy is always a shock.  But receiving a positive pregnancy test that you didn’t expect during the time of year when all is supposed to be “merry and bright” can feel even more challenging. 

If you’re not ready to share your “news” with anyone yet you may be dreading that crowded family get-together or Friendsgiving feast.  Painting on a smile and pretending like everything is fine can be exhausting.  Here are a few things to be encouraged by and consider if you find yourself in this situation.

It’s OK to Not be OK

Finding out you are unexpectedly pregnant comes with a rollercoaster of emotions.  Worry, fear, uncertainty and stress are common, to name a few.  Your body may be in a “fight or flight” type of mode as a way to counteract the stress.  Or perhaps you just feel “numb.”  All of these feelings can be normal, and it’s okay to feel that way.

It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and know that there is no “normal,” as everyone responds to situations differently. Whether it’s a few days or a week, give yourself time to sit in these feelings.  In a way, you may be grieving and grief is a process.

You Don’t Have to Face it Alone

Secrets can be heavy.  They can affect our relationships, our careers, and our everyday lives.  While it may not be the kind of thing you want to post about on social media, consider confiding in a trusted friend or family member.  You might be surprised by the weight that this takes off of you.  Explaining that you aren’t necessarily looking for opinions or even advice, but simply need a listening ear may be helpful.  Often times, verbalizing your thoughts and feelings can help you process them.

Set Boundaries

If you do join any festivities such as work parties or family get-togethers, it may be helpful to prepare mentally and set a few boundaries for yourself.  Know what places, people, and topics you aren’t going to be comfortable around or may be emotionally triggering.  While these activities may be a good distraction, you may find that certain personalities or situations make you feel more uncomfortable than usual.  Simply excuse yourself and get some fresh air or a change of scenery if needed.

Get Answers to Your Questions

Last, but not least, find out some more information.  Questions like “how far along am I?” or “is this baby even going to make it?” may be going through your head.  You may be wondering where to go and where you can find a confidential and supportive place to start.  Two Lines Pregnancy Clinic (formerly Advice & Aid Pregnancy Center) is here to provide just that and more. 

Our experienced medical staff can help provide you with the medical information you need to move forward being fully educated and informed on your options. Your client advocate is there to provide non-judgemental support.  As we do not exist to profit off of you or your decisions, all of our services are free of charge.

If you are having visions of two lines dancing in your head rather than sugar plums, know that Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) is here for you.

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“I’m Pregnant…Can I Do This Alone?”

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You didn’t get pregnant on your own, but things change…for lots of reasons, some beyond your control. Feeling alone is scary and can cause you to panic. If you’re alone now and wondering what to do, there are some important steps you should follow to move yourself from panic mode into decision mode.

Panic Mode

  • Slow down. Finding yourself alone while facing a stressful situation is scary! The panic you feel is understandable, but panic isn’t the best mental state for making life-altering decisions.
  • Tell someone. Look to the people around you for support: family, neighbors, church, community organizations. Telling just one other supportive person can give you a different perspective. You will need support no matter what you decide, so telling someone who loves you and whose opinion you respect is important.
  • Contact Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid). Call (913) 962-0200 or walk into our clinic at 10901 Granada Ln. in Overland Park. We’ll help you, at absolutely no cost to you, get started on the next phase: Information Gathering.

Information Gathering Mode

  • Get a medical-grade pregnancy test. Not all tests are created equal and there’s no substitute for a quality test read by a medical professional.
  • Get a limited ultrasound. This will provide important information that will tell you if your pregnancy is progressing normally. You have a right to see the ultrasound yourself.
  • Get details about all 3 of your options. Information about cost, long and short-term physical/emotional consequences, recovery, and available resources is vital to making a decision you can live with.

Decision Mode

  • Calmly evaluate all the information. Now that your emotional temperature has come down and you’ve gathered information, look at the pros and cons of your 3 choices and weigh them according to the impact they’ll have on your physical and emotional health.
  • Assemble a support system. This should be someone who loves you, whom you trust, and who is not in panic mode.
  • Consider the future. You may not have the support of a partner right now, but someday you might. What experiences will you bring to that relationship? Will those experiences help it or harm it? If you plan to have other children, how will your decisions today impact that future mother/child relationship?

Make a Decision

Realize that all mothers, even those with partners, can feel alone when it comes to carrying and caring for their babies. Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) wants to walk with you as you make this decision. We will provide honest, non-judgmental answers at every step along the way. No matter what you decide, we can help.

While this may be a hard time, your first move shouldn’t be. Just click the button and schedule a time to come see us that works for you. We’ll be waiting.

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“I Can’t Have This Baby!” When There Are Just Too Many Challenges

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As a Social Worker at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid), this is one of the most frequent reasons I hear from women who feel like they can’t have their baby. When meeting with them, I start by encouraging them to slow down and really think about their options. They don’t have to make a life-changing decision in a spur of the moment panic. They have time to think about how life might be different in a few months or a few years. 

The problems of today most often are not the problems of the next few years if they receive solid help. 

Many women, whether they are single moms, have a partner, or are married, feel like they just can’t afford one more child. They feel overwhelmed and can’t imagine how they could have the energy or finances to support one more. 

We start with where she is right now and the obstacles she is currently facing.

Does she have a child with special needs right now? Does she need proper funding and support to help that child and get respite care that gives some wiggle room and space to breathe? Does she need a better job or childcare? 

We work to make sure she gets connected with all of the programs for which she is eligible to receive medical insurance. Often, she is eligible for programs such as SNAP, WIC, and Medicaid. We help her get connected with an OB to make sure she is receiving prenatal care. Does she need counseling related to a mental health concern or past trauma? We connect her with a counselor that fits her needs and her financial situation. Does she have legal needs associated with her immigration status in the U.S. or another pending concern? We work to get her connected with a lawyer for a consultation and make a plan of action. Is domestic violence a concern?  We work on a safety plan with her and continue to assist the family through our Care Management program. 

As we help her tackle each challenge one by one, many clients begin to hope for a better life, not only for the child in her womb, but her entire family.

Here at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid), we care deeply about the women who come through our doors. We believe that telling women that they CAN’T do something, and then encouraging them to make a decision based on that, just isn’t very empowering to women!

In fact, we believe that with the resources we can provide, and the support we can give, women actually CAN do the hard thing (especially when she finds out all that is available to her).

The main point here is . . . don’t make a decision until you know all that is available to you. You don’t have to rush. Just come talk to us. No pressure at all on our side. No judgment.

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Why You Should Choose to Sex-Free Date

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Music, movies, television shows, podcasts…almost all of our entertainment and media intake is littered with normalizing sex. Whether it’s sex while dating, casual sex with friends, or a one-night stand, we are consistently surrounded by the idea that sex before marriage is good and fun. So many of these entertainment platforms are targeted toward young people, so while our brains are still developing, we’re given the idea that sex before marriage is a good time and has no consequences.

Part of the message we hear is correct – sex is good and it is fun. But, it’s also emotional and complicated. “Hook-up culture” is extremely prevalent in today’s society and deems the idea of waiting until marriage as lame and boring. In reality, there are many benefits to having a sex-free relationship!

Foundation

If you and your partner are establishing a relationship without sex, it builds a solid and trustworthy foundation with that person. The base of a long and healthy relationship is a friendship, and when sex is out of the picture, it’s easier to focus on what specifically you like about that person. Sexless dating allows you to build your friendship with that person, without any distractions. If sex is included in your relationship, you can simply resort to the bedroom instead of working through problems, having intimate conversation, or realizing what makes you compatible aside from physical attraction.

Less Stress!

Sex while you’re dating somebody can bring a great amount of unnecessary stress into the relationship. When you bring sex into the relationship before marriage, additional worries of unwanted pregnancies, STIs, breakups, and more are also brought into the relationship. If you wait until marriage, you don’t need to worry about any sex-related problems and can simply enjoy each other and the relationship you have.

Clear Mindedness

While it isn’t perceived as a drug, sex can sure feel like it. When people have sex, a hormone known as oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is associated with good moods, pleasure, and reward. As a result, you feel more attached to your partner. This is why many couples feel closer to one another after having sex, which is great for married couples, but can get a little more complicated if you’re still only dating. The problem with creating this level of physical intimacy with your partner before marriage is that it can cloud your vision and judgment. You may feel in love, but it could be an overload of oxytocin, which ebbs and flows. If your relationship is charged by your lust for one another, then you may overlook problematic signs, or the fact that you don’t like the person as much as you thought you did. Abstaining from sex while you’re dating allows you to think clearly and make better judgment about the relationship, which will help you remember why you fell in love with your partner to begin with, and what makes them so special to you.

Sex is simply worth waiting for.

Many married couples today say they wish they had waited until their honeymoon to have sex for the first time. Sex is a precious gift, and treating it as such can bring an unmatched joy into your relationship after you’re married. So yes, it’s worth the wait!

We get it. Sex-free dating isn’t exactly popular . . . or fun. But there are some amazing benefits of waiting that can far outweigh the momentary pleasure of sex while dating.

Want to talk it out? Need some further convincing? Maybe looking for a friend that can help you stay strong to your commitment to sex-free dating? We can fill any of these shoes.

And if you have had sex while dating in the past – even once – you really should be tested for STD. It’s no joke, and can cause a world of pain down the road. It’s best to know now so you can deal with it.

Whatever you need, we are here. It’s as simple as click and schedule!

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Physical Effects of Abortion – Facts You Need

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 No woman wants to be in a situation of an unplanned pregnancy!

And most women do not want to abort an unborn baby. But if the situation arises, then the main focus is to remove the problem. Abortion often seems the most obvious  – and the easiest – answer to that problem. However, on closer inspection it may not be that simple. In this two-part blog, we will look closely at the physical and emotional effects of abortion so you can understand it more fully.

Effects of Abortion: The Physical Aspects

There are two different types of abortion that are generally found in most abortion clinics. The type of abortion is dependent on the stage of pregnancy.

Abortion Pill (RU-486)
The abortion pill is given at the abortion clinic and blocks the pregnancy hormones that maintain the embryo (embryo is the early stage of a baby). It can only be used in very early pregnancy. It is recommended by the drug manufacturers that the patient make 3 visits to the clinic after taking the drug.  However, most abortion clinics combine visits and often, the woman has returned home when the cramping and bleeding begin with no medical supervision. Being alone (or at the least, without medical help), can put the woman in a frightening situation, leaving her with no one to ask if the amount of bleeding is normal or not. One in 100 women require surgery to stop the bleeding after taking the abortion pill.  As many as 8 out of 100 times, RU-486 does not end the pregnancy, leading the woman to require an additional procedure to end it.

Abortion Procedures
To understand the physical effects of abortion, we need to share a simple description of the procedure. Depending on the stage of pregnancy, different procedures are used. All procedures involve opening the cervix. The cervix is meant to be tight and closed except when it opens naturally during the process of giving birth. The cervix is located at the at the back of the vagina and is the opening to the uterus. The fetus or baby lives in the uterus.  Abortion procedures include suctioning and scraping of the uterine walls, insertion into cervix and uterus by forceps, and using a sharp instrument inside of the uterus.  Forceps are a surgical instrument that resemble a pair of tongs and are used for grabbing, maneuvering, and removing the fetus. As many as three visits to the abortion clinic may be required.

You should know the risks!
Approximately 1 in 100 women having an early abortion will have complications.  For abortions performed in later pregnancy, 1 in 50 women will have complications.  Complications include:

* Excessive bleeding
Heavy bleeding is the most common problem after an abortion. Uterine cramping is normal after any kind of abortion. The main way that the uterus controls bleeding is to contract, squeezing the blood vessels shut.  Excessive bleeding is usually caused by pieces of the baby or placenta that are left in the uterus. The uterus cannot squeeze itself shut and keeps bleeding. This is called an incomplete abortion. If the pieces are removed, often the bleeding will stop. Sometimes the bleeding is caused by a torn cervix, which must be stitched for the bleeding to stop.  Additional causes can include a major blood vessel having been nicked during the procedure, or the uterus failing to contract after the procedure.

* Abdominal pain and cramping after the procedure
This can also occur during the procedure, as most abortion centers only use local anesthetic and the woman is awake throughout.

* Infection of the uterus or blood
Infection can arise from vaginal-anal bacteria moving through the open cervix into the uterus, as well as bacteria moving into the blood stream. Infection can also occur from incompletely sterilized equipment. Interestingly, abortion clinics are not subject to the same regulatory inspections by public health officials that hospitals and other clinics have. Some states have proposed regular inspections of abortion clinics. Infection can cause inability to have future babies.  In severe cases, infection may be life threatening.

* Damage to cervix
In order to perform an abortion, the cervix must be stretched open with a great deal of force. Forcing open the cervix can cause damage, especially in younger women. The damage may cause inability to keep the cervix closed tight enough to carry future babies to term.  Miscarriages and premature babies may be the result.

* Scarring of the uterus
Caused by scraping and use of instruments inside of the uterus, scarring can lead to inability to implant a fertilized egg in future pregnancies (2-5%). Scraping of the uterine walls may cause accidental punctures and lead to hysterectomy (removal of the uterus).  In extreme circumstances, it may lead to a potentially fatal condition called peritonitis.

* Ectopic pregnancies (pregnancies not in the uterus, like in the fallopian tube)
Studies point out that the risk of an ectopic pregnancy is 30% higher for women who have had one abortion and up to 4 times higher for women with 2 or more abortions. Ectopic pregnancies can cause infertility and can be fatal. (For more information on ectopic pregnancies, read our article here.)

* Unnecessary abortion
It has been documented that abortions have been “performed” on women who actually have an ectopic pregnancy or have miscarried. It is very important to have a sonogram before an abortion to ensure that the pregnancy is in the uterus and that the fetus is alive.  Fifteen to twenty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

* Rh sensitization
This condition can occur during pregnancy if a mother’s blood type is Rh-negative and she is pregnant with a Rh-positive baby. Antibodies are produced during the abortion procedure and can attack the red blood cells of a baby in future pregnancies.  She must receive medication to prevent the development of antibodies that would endanger future pregnancies.

A woman seeking an abortion should be an informed consumer.  She has the right to be informed of all the risks of abortion and given resources for who to contact and where to go if complications occur.

Information obtained from Woman’s Right to Know Act (Kansas Department of Health and Environment) and LifeChoices Health Network (Joplin, MO)

Part 2:
The Very Real Effects of Abortion – Emotional. Facts You Need!

Read actual stories of women who have had abortions:
Janae’s Story
Ann’s Story
Nicole’s Story

If you or someone you know is considering abortion, it’s very important that you have all the facts before making the decision. You need a caring friend who will take the time with you to  listen to your concerns and walk you through your options. We will never judge . . . We will never push. We are simply here for you.

You can even schedule your first appointment without having to talk to anyone – just click the button below and pick a time that works for you. It’s simple, it’s free . . . it’s the step you need to take to have someone who cares about you helping you with this decision.

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