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Month: January 2019

The Bravest Choice a Woman Can Make – Giving the Gift of Family

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The following story has been shared with us by a mother who was blessed beyond words by someone she didn’t know . . . someone who chose bravery and selflessness, and ultimately impacted an entire family, making them feel whole.

On June 22nd, 2015 I received a phone call that brought me to my knees. My daughter and I were in Colorado visiting my mother and step-father.  It was a warm day, so we decided to visit the neighborhood pool. I took a break from swimming to check my phone. My husband was traveling on business and I wanted to see if he had safely arrived to his destination. I did have a missed call, but it wasn’t my husband, it was our adoption caseworker. This surprised me. She was away at a conference and I didn’t expect to hear from her for the rest of the week. I called her back and she answered immediately. She skipped all pleasantries and simply said… “Jessica are you sitting down?”

My husband and I had been going through the adoption process for almost 2 years.  We were currently in the most difficult part of the process, the “hurry up and wait” stage. We had completed all the paperwork, home studies, classes, background checks, made our book and acquired all our letters of recommendation. Now all we could do was wait. Wait for a birth mother and/or a birth father to believe we were the right parents to raise their son or daughter. I’m not good at waiting. I’m a doer. A type A control freak even. Waiting was torture. Waiting allowed all the doubt to seep in and the questions would keep me up at night. “Why haven’t we been picked?” “What’s wrong with us?” “Did we focus on the right topics in our book?” “Are we too old?” “Are we too young?” At least with infertility treatments I had some control. Control to take more drugs, to try another cycle or to go to another doctor.  But all the medical treatments in the world wouldn’t bring us another child and I had finally accepted that reality. Through adoption we would grow our family and I had to simply have faith.

My caseworker proceeded to explain that we had been match with a birth mother and a birth father! Both families wanted to meet us as soon as possible! The birth mother was due in a month! My caseworker asked if I wanted to know the sex of the baby. I remember yelling “of course” over the noise of children laughing and splashing in the water. “It’s a boy!” she yelled in response. I was already crying but this was the moment I fell to my knees. A little boy! I had dreams of holding a little boy in my arms. God had heard my prayers! I had just needed a little faith.

Three and half years later, fire trucks, airplanes, and transformers litter our house. Our son usually answers our questions with a T-Rex roar and a stomp. His infectious smile and dimples melt the heart of anyone he meets.  Our son completes our family and our hearts.  Adoption has blessed our family beyond our wildest dreams. What an amazing gift from above!

No doubt, this is a beautiful story. But the heroine of this story is someone who will remain unnamed. She likely experienced upset, fear and loneliness. She had a very hard decision to make. One that wouldn’t be easy, nor one that would be made quickly.

But this heroine chose the brave route. She chose the hard road, knowing that it was best for her – both while she carried this child for another family, and also for her future self, knowing that she had given the greatest gift possible to someone she had never met.

Her bravery – her gift – is celebrated here!

Facing a similar dilemma in your own life? The unplanned and unexpected has happened, and now you aren’t sure what to do. Let us help you find your inner #BRAVE and walk with you the entire time! You aren’t alone on this journey.

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A Survivor Story – Finding Identity and Acceptance

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The following article is written by Melissa Ohden, a supporter of Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid), an abortion-attempt survivor, and now a speaker and writer on this very important topic.

She has a unique perspective on the issue of what happens with an unplanned pregnancy. Her words here are spoken truly from her heart, and from a place few people have been. Yet she fully understands the turmoil of the mother with an unexpected and unwanted pregnancy.

Romans 8:28 reminds us “that God works all things together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose.”

It’s an oft-quoted Bible verse, one that so many people find comfort and hope in, myself included, particularly in times of difficulty or distress. To know that in the midst of whatever storm we’re facing in life, God is working it all together for good is comforting, indeed.

God’s redemption and restoration in our lives, as blessed as it is, doesn’t just occur in a time-frame that is typically far outside of our expectations and wishes (let’s admit it—things either unfold much quicker than we had planned or much longer), but it also frequently doesn’t look anything like what we had planned for ourselves.

As I transparently share in my memoir, You Carried Me, my identity (and the pain that accompanied it) as an abortion survivor was a part of my life that I initially tried to run away from. Learning at the age of 14 that I survived a saline infusion abortion, which involves delivering a toxic salt solution into the amniotic fluid surrounding the preborn baby in the womb, poisoning the child to death before premature labor is ultimately induced, thereby expelling the deceased baby from the womb, was a horrific, life-changing, experience.

Looking back on the twenty-seven years that have passed since I first learned the truth about my survival, though, I now appreciate who God made me to be, survivor and all.

My identity is in Christ, through Christ. No circumstance about my life will change that.

That’s an important lesson for us all.

Admittedly, though, this is not what I expected my life to look like—from not only being an abortion survivor to being a speaker, writer and activist when my background was in teaching and social work, to living a life in the public eye when I’m a private and quiet person. However, I’m forever grateful that His plans for me were so much greater than anything that I could have imagined for myself.

His timing, His plans, may not always make sense at first glance, but I encourage you to trust that in the midst of whatever you’re experiencing, God is working things together for your good and the good of others in your life.

When I spoke at an Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) banquet a number of years ago, my life looked quite different than it does now. What I know about my survival is dramatically different. The relationships with members of my biological family are also markedly changed. God has continued to unfold the storyline of my life in such a powerful way. And He’s doing likewise in yours, too.

We know God is the author of life, but remember, as an author, He’s not done writing!  

I’ve learned so many lessons along this journey of life, but as I look back on the last few years, I’d say this one is the most significant. I have continued to put my trust on God, time after time, but I’ll be honest. I didn’t foresee the extent to which He was still unfolding the story of my life. I didn’t understand the depths to which He planned for restoration and reconciliation in my life and the lives of my biological family.

“Would you like to meet your birthmother?” was a question that I remember Jim Daly or John Fuller asking me years ago. I can’t remember if we were even on the air when we had this conversation, but I remember the topic. “I would love to,” I replied, “but I continue to trust that it’s in God’s hands, and if He intends for it to happen, it will, in His way, and in His time.” Those were my words, but if you had read my heart at the time, my heart would have admitted that I didn’t think it was in His plans.

The battle to find her had been quite hard. The response of her family, indicating that my messages would not be passed along to her because they were estranged, felt like nails in the coffin of any future that we could have. And so my trust in His plans was half-hearted, at best. Because in reality, I needed to trust that He was working good in our lives, and that His plans are, indeed, always greater than what we have in mind.

Is there something in your life that you’re struggling to believe God is working good in right now? Is there something that you’re having trouble trusting Him to have great plans in restoring or a relationship in reconciling? Trust Him. Not half-heartedly, but whole.

Look where God has taken me! Not only did He save me from the abortion attempt that was meant to end my life, not only did He bless me with health, my amazing adoptive family, a purpose for serving His kingdom, and a family of my own, but He has redeemed and restored the broken pieces of my heart and life.

Since I first moved to Kansas City almost six years ago, now, I have been connected with a maternal cousin, my two maternal half sisters, a maternal aunt, and yes, even my biological mother! Even though much of the information that I learned about my survival and those responsible for it all was incredibly painful, God surrounded me with these amazing women who all love me, and have loved me all along.

No one but God could bring us all together and rewrite the narrative of our lives that began forty years ago when the abortion was forced upon my birthmother and the tangled web of sin and lies began to be weaved.

No one but God could bring about good in the midst of the suffering we have all experienced over the past four decades.

No one but God could unite us with the power of unconditional love and forgiveness.

Truly, what man intended for evil in our lives, God intended for good, as Genesis 50:20 reminds us.

Continue to trust in Him, and I know you will be blessed to see Him work His plans of restoration and reconciliation in your own life.

If you have found yourself facing the unexpected, what you need most right now is the time to process, the time to learn, and a friend to walk alongside you, giving you time to figure out what your next steps are.

Here, you find no judgment, no agenda. We will simply give you answers, and be there for you.

If the unexpected has happened, take that first step and make an appointment to talk to us.

Like Melissa, who thought her story was shame-filled and couldn’t have any good to it, you may just begin to see the good in your story! We can help with that.

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The Importance of the Volunteer: Could YOU Be Our Next Volunteer?

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Volunteers. Here at Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid), we rely on our many volunteers on a daily basis. In fact, we wouldn’t exist without them. They are our strength and our backbone.

The following story was shared with us by a former client. But she is now much more than that. She is one of our volunteers. Her story of receiving help, and then being led back years later to offering help, is one that only God could write.

Recently I met with an adviser at my church after taking an online assessment offering insight into my spiritual gifts. I have had the word “obedience” on my heart this year, so I took the next step to meet with her. The spiritual gifts that I was strongest in were mercy, encouragement and hospitality. As we discussed where I might use my gifts, an organization called Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) came up. After asking her more about it, I came to the shocking realization that this organization was the very one that changed the trajectory of my entire life many years ago.

Following is a little about my history and why this particular meeting was clearly God’s leading.

Nearly 8 years ago, I had been dating a man for about 3 months when we found out I was pregnant. To say I was terrified would be an understatement. I had a rocky history with my father, my mother was on the streets somewhere, and I was a lost person who didn’t know God. I cannot describe how scared and lonely I felt. I didn’t even know who you call once you had a positive pregnancy test. However, one day I was driving down 67th street and I saw a pregnancy help billboard so I called the number and scheduled an appointment. I walked in to that appointment hoping someone would tell me that it would be okay to just do what I needed to do and to not feel bad about it. Instead they listened to me cry in desperation about my own traumatic history, how I could never be a mother, and how I didn’t even like children. The counselor then told me I qualified for a sonogram. At the time, I had NO IDEA what that was, but for whatever reason I said yes.

My daughter’s heartbeat at 7 weeks was around 179 beats per minute. That was my BABY, and it was alive. It was unbelievable. I walked out of that place bawling about being pregnant, but determined to keep the baby. I never went back to that facility or had further contact with them, but it had made a difference in my life.

Fast forward a handful of years and a lot of history that led me to my current place in life, and my adviser was going over my spiritual gifts and mentions the very place I had received help from years ago. That this particular adviser was in my life, and had it on her heart to talk to me about volunteering at the one place that had changed my life years ago was definitely a God-thing.

I now have officially done my first couple of volunteer opportunities with Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid). This experience has given me the confidence to reach out to another ministry who helps people in transition homes, as well as meeting with another leader at my church to discuss my desire to do some work for over the next year. I’m finding contentment in the areas where I am serving, and it feels good in my bones. I’m really looking forward to seeing where Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) leads me. I’m curious to see if somehow God will weave the work with them in with the work I’m doing with another ministry for furnishing and finding transition homes for those in need.

As for my story, I now have two beautiful daughters and a baby on the way. I eventually married that man whom I barely knew and had a child with. Whenever I doubt my faith, I remember that God chose ME to be the mother of my beautiful children! I have never felt chosen in my entire life and finding out that I have been chosen ON purpose, and FOR a purpose, continues to amaze me every day.

So what about you? Are you using the gifts you have been given to make a difference somewhere?

This month is Sanctity of Life month, in which we focus on those mothers and babies who deserve a chance at life. We need warriors to help fight for these precious lives. You could be one of those warriors!

In the above story, we see a full circle. The writer received the help she needed, and a life was saved. She can now use the unique gifts that she has to impact others and fight for other mothers and babies.

Are you interested in learning about how you can use the very gifts that you already have in this important area? Visit our Volunteer page to begin to see how YOU can make a difference!

Eating Disorders and Pregnancy: A Silent Crisis

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I have anorexia and pregnancy terrifies me.

It was only about a month ago that I had the sucker-punch realization that my period was three weeks late. This may sound odd to many women, how could you not notice that it had been that long since your last cycle? However, for me it’s rather normal. Due to over 10 years in an active eating disorder, as well as other factors, I’ve never had a regular period. In fact, I spent a solid 2 years of my early 20’s in a period of amenorrhea, no cycle at all. It’s only been the past year and a half or so that I’ve had something regular that resembled a cycle. So pregnancy has always been the farthest possibility from my mind…

…until I sat with my husband while we waited for the pregnancy test to deliver its news.

No, I wasn’t pregnant. That has not yet been my story. But in those 5 minutes, every possible outcome and worry ran deep into my bones.

Our family plans have been plagued by a dichotomous elephant that eating disorders send parading into the room. “What if I can’t get pregnant? What if the years of damage I have done to my body are too much?” And then the other possibility: “what if I am?!”

Don’t get me wrong, we would love to be pregnant one day! Seeing friends and family embarking on their own adventures of growing their families is one of the most exciting and difficult things to watch. So much joy for the love and the beauty of new life; so much pain at the possibility that I we might never have such a joy of our own. We are not ready to begin trying, but I know that when we do, our journey will likely have many more variables complicating things.

Eating disorders are disturbances in eating or eating-related behaviors that results in impairments in physical and mental health and in life functioning. Common eating disorders include Anorexia Nervosa (restriction of food intake and an intense fear of weight gain) Bulimia Nervosa (episodes of binge eating followed by some kind of compensatory behavior to prevent weight gain) and Binge Eating Disorder (episodes of binging without compensatory behavior). Eating disorders are serious issues as they have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, with estimations between 10-20% mortality (NEDA, 2018)

Eating disorders can create a laundry list of complications in pregnancy, as the mother’s body may not be strong or nourished enough to support a growing baby. Issues such as premature labor, low birth weight, stillborn or fetal death, delayed fetal growth, respiratory issues, gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, and miscarriage can be brought about by a mother’s eating disorder. It is recommended that a mother achieves and maintains recovery before attempting to conceive. Specific closely monitored care from a treatment team is always indicated throughout the pregnancy.

The ironic issue is that many women with eating disorders struggle with infertility because their body recognizes when it is unable to support and grow another life. Most women with active anorexia as well as about 50% of women with active bulimia don’t have menstrual cycles or have irregular cycles (AmericanPregnancy.org, 2018). Due to this “assumed infertility,” unplanned pregnancy rates are actually higher among women with eating disorders as they may have had unprotected sex around an unexpected cycle.

Pregnancy can bring about many non-health related fears in the mother as well. Many eating disorders arise from a need to control one’s own body, often stemming from some form of trauma or sexual abuse. The state of pregnancy, so embraced by some, can be a traumatic crisis. Sharing your body with someone else for a time and having your hunger and hormones seemingly taken over can be extremely triggering to someone with an eating disorder history, even one that has lain dormant for years. Additionally, the expected weight gain can seem monumental and impossible, creating a true crisis in the mother’s world targeting her deepest fear.

Conflicting emotions often run rampant in the mothers mind, tearing her between her motherly instincts and her illness. One of the most rampant fears is the very real one of not adequately nourishing your child. The criminalization of miscarriage only puts additional pressure and stress around the already difficult situation.

The most difficult piece is the shame that accompanies all of the above aspects of eating disorders and pregnancy. This shame leads to secrecy and the most toxic part of the issue: nobody talks about it! Mothers hide their disorders, further endangering their children and themselves and often sparking deep depression and anxiety surrounding their motherhood. This issue, where 1 in 5 deaths are by suicide, is only made worse by being shrouded in the shadows of shame and silence.

At Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid), we shatter that silence by providing a safe place where women can receive support for their crisis. Pregnancy can be tough, and an eating disorder can make it exponentially tougher, but Two Lines (formerly Advice & Aid) strives to walk with women through the difficulty and provide them with information, support, and referrals for counseling and care that they need to navigate their way through.

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